Thoughts on the end of the year

2011
what an awful year
truly annus horriblis
a year of strife
of sorrow
of abandonment
of being Richard.

but also a year of Joy
of celebration
of passion
of being Myself

I have grown
to realize the truths of life
that sometimes its not worth fighting for
that sometimes we need to give up a fight
that sometimes its not meant to be
that sometimes others are waiting
that sometimes others do care
that sometimes others have a heart as well
that sometimes others love you

eureka
I have loved and lost and loved again
and bitter though the gall, sweeter the sweetness grows
here's a short poem for her

I love a love that is innocent
she walketh in the light
she shineth like the sun
and with her wings take flight
I love a love that is ever true
she smileth with her eyes
she compareth with none
and soareth to the skies
I love a love that is now mine
she misseth me so much
she besideth me run
and my whole life she touched

Jon Black (2011)

Merry Christmas one and all

To all my readers,
merry Christmas to you all
yeah

unfortunately for me

This Christmas sucks

to the max

A few days ago,

I might have looked forward to celebrating it

but

something came up

and totally killed the mood

I will never be the same again

because I realized that after 6 months

the epilogue of Prodigal

Maddie goes off to the states

Devon, well, we don't hear of him anymore

Liz and Jarrod, are yet unmarried

and live separated by distance

as for Richard, the "pro" with women,
he loses Bailey after a loveless romance
when he gave his all heart to her.

Well, this story sucks
but it is real.
I never thought it would end like this
But ah, the drama, the irony, the angst
the sheer art and genius
truly the answer is found to the philosophical question:
Art imitates life or life imitates art?
nothing can be so full of tragedy than real life itself

I ascribe to Lucanus when he states:
"God is our Adversary, and we are made to strive with Him"
such is the lot of man
there is no other reason to explain the sad reality
of perfection revealed
and suddenly taken away
leaving only the forlorn to his pining
Since He is my enemy and I am to contend with Him
then let us contend
He shall defeat me, as He is God
but I am a man
and I shall not back down from a fight
not when it has been brought to me
I will go down with pride
I will be Richard

Sabbatical

I'm announcing that as Prodigal has run its course, Richard, the antagonist of the aforementioned musical, is now obsolete. He is dead. Jon lives on and will continue to write music. I'm taking a break from choir, and focusing on my musical development, namely my music theory exams preparations and the continuation of my own compositions.

Anyway, gloomy topics aside, I had lots of inspiration in Korea, and they're just waiting to be translated into music. Wait for it...

Prodigal Korea

I'm back!!!
I'm too tired to give you the whole story but...IT WAS SUPER AWESOME FREAKING FUN!!!
here are some pix to blow you away:

Korea-bound!!!

Richard and the TSAs are goingggggggggggg
toooooooooooo
Koreaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

ahahahahahahahahahahahahhhhahahahh

expect more pics and updates!!!

Salsal haeyo! ahahahahh
;)

IT IS FINISHED!!!

I finally finished my Piano Sonata. 3 unique movements : Love at First Sight, Apples for Sarah, and Teardrops in an Hourglass.

Masterpiece

Well, we're back from Penang.
Woohoohooo!
XD
lots of stuff happened
and i will never be the same again
what happened?
CONVERGENCE
the lines met
and destinies of a few lives
flashed like a passing meteor
before my eyes
blinding me with the sudden revelation
of the things that are yet to come
I'm trying to see the lines again,
where they meet, and where they split

But as for Richard,
he has grown more
developed, in tune,
and real.
It was the best performance so far
but now he is safely chained in the
darkest dungeon of my mind
I lost my fear or him
but not my disdain
I never liked him
but while I was him,
It felt so different
such is the temptation of evil
but i will not fall to it

As for the real me,
I will not go gently into that good night
I shall rage, rage against the dying of the light!

New Inspiration

The trickle stopped for a while
I finished 75% of my Piano Sonata #1's 2nd Movement!
And then, a friend helped me come up with the framework of the 3rd Movement!!!
YAYYYYYYY!!!
ah, but so much to write, so little time!
Special Somebody, Please Gimme Inspiration by your Love!!!
XD

Lost and found

Yesterday I discovered that I lost Richard
I lost that edge
And I couldn't find him
where was my darkness?
the evil part of me that i kept away
is it gone?
at 1st i was glad,
then distressed...
How can I act without my darkness?
Without the Xfactor that made Richard, well, Richard?
And to make things worse,
she's avoiding me

So today, I made my darkness
It wasn't enough
Its not fully Richard
Its a fake, a cake
The cake is a lie
yes, yes it is
and YOU cannot fake evil
Evil is real
and in love there is no evil
I lost my evil
And now i'm afraid of losing my love

Stagnation

The flow of music in my mind has slowed to a trickle, but its not because of lack of inspiration
Its because the inspiration takes new forms.
There is a shift in mindset from composing to arranging and improvisation of existing songs
For now, the composer rests.
But...the poet is still awake.
I will post any new poems here.

Teaser

The next movement of my 1st Piano Sonata is all about the sound of falling water. And this piece...its gonna be unique! Because I'm only going to use black keys. Yes, 100% black keys to compose a song. Not a single white key will be played. XD incredible? just wait and see! ^_^

I have loads of inspiration!

well,
the time has come to put all other projects for composition on hold
and...
start and finish the 2nd movement of my piano sonata.
Teacher Irene gave my 1st movement a thumbs up, so did a dear friend, and my parents, and my bro and ah, *blush* someone super dear to me too...she loved it.
so...here goes Piano Sonata #1 (2nd movement).
Hee XD

More to come!

Ladies and Gentlemen,
The amazing composer brings you another 3 works in the making:
I Wish, Let Me Forget, and The Hourglass.
I am overcome with emotion.
Over and out.

<<my life is a scented candle>>

Another piece completed!

Airplane symphonie is 100% completed!
YAY!!!
Its a medley of Leaving on a Jet Plane, Friends are Friends Forever, Shenandoah, and Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing. Its composed as a tribute for a dear friend who's leaving for Alabama soon. I hope you all enjoy it!

Sorry, Old news!!!

OK, Piano sonata #1 is done!!!
erm, yeah, thanks to those who critiqued me
I wanna thank you for your support and your constructive criticism
I will forge onwards! Make music and write songs!!!

Piano Sonata #1 is 50% complete!

I can't wait to finish it and present it for you all to hear it.
XD

EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY!

The ship's on fire!!!
ahahahahah
no sorry
man overboard!!!
ah wait ahahahahhhah
ok ok
straight to the point:
The Singing Ambassadors are back in KL with Prodigal (Encore) on Gospel Sunday at KLBaptistChurch
at 9.30am, 18th September 2011!
Ladies and gentleman, dudes and dudettes,
the awesome musical is back for more!!!
In case you missed the chance to catch it on the 23rd of July, fear not!
Your earbuds (that's the equivalent of hearing tastebuds, right? huh, what? ah shuddup)
again, your "earbuds" will be satiated by our sweet sound, from Bailey's "oooooooooooooooh" to Madeline's "Hello Devon", and Jarod's "Is that you, Devon?" to Richard's "God doesn't give you hormones so you can ignore them" all in glorious nostalgia.
Coming back on 18th Sept 2011.
Be there...or be square ;)

Strife at home

Well, lots of bad stuff happening at home
A sick guy is a really grouchy guy
And he's keeping us all on edge
sometimes, i wonder if God or the devil put him there
really.
sigh
forgive forgive forgive.

3rd and 4th Composition are Done!!!

I've finished my 3rd and 4th compositions! Yay!! XD
Now...I'm taking a break from composing.
Need to refill my inspiration meter.
HAHAHAHAHH
Time to sit back and review the last 4 songs...ah bliss...

My 3rd composition is almost done!!!

The string quartet, named Prayer for S. is now 90% complete!!! XD
And many more ideas are on the way,
I'm glad to announce the starting of my new compositions:
Achtung (instruments undecided)
Airplane Symphonie (making it whacky and memorable for a states-bound friend)
and a secret long-term project.
;)

Books Galore!!!

Books! what can I say about them?
Reading is my passion!
And guess what? MPH bookstore at Bukit Bintang Plaza is having a clearance sale.
Apparently they have up to 90% discount in books!!!
90 PERCENT!!! how awesome is that??? yayyyyy!!!
XD

The Lull

Its going to be another month before the next Prodigal practice.
I hope we don't go soft and lose momentum

Prodigal Temerloh

I am dead tired.
Back from Prodigal Temerloh.
We did our musical, stayed a night at Mentakab, bought Patin fish, ate durian, laughed till our sides hurt on the bus journey back. That was common experience.
Richard's story?
Woke up at 4am on Saturday, failed to fall asleep again. Stayed awake till alarm rang.
Saw Jeremy and mom off to KLBC. Rendezvous with Teacher Irene and shot off to exams.
Finished exams, only to discover that dad is suddenly joining us to Temerloh.
Rushed home, packed stuff, fed dogs, ate lunch and waited 45 minutes for Uncle Robert to give us a ride to Temerloh.
Didn't get to sleep much during 1.5 hour journey. drifted between sleep and consciousness. walked in and BANG! zombie mode  --> Richard mode
SHOWTIME!!!
Active and awake till concert over. Drowsy all through dinner. Split off from other residential batches and entered Charles Palace.
Showered and freshened up. Chatted with her till 4am. fell asleep. woke up at 6am.
freshened up, got ready. went to temerloh church. Made me glad i'm a baptist.
after that it was all a blur in my memory, and i'm fighting back sleep 5 hours after touchdown in KL.
This is a summary of a summary.
G'night.

Of Language and Limbo

Here I am again,
Wishing I had more time.
But the clock won't go back,
so I'll say my piece.


The mighty pillar of the Singing Ambassadors men have fallen.
Patrick, the one whom I look up to and command my utmost respect,
announced his sudden resignation that shocked most members.
Most, because some like me, we knew.
We knew why and I loathe myself for not being able to prevent it.
Powerless, we sat in shameful silence as the Shepherd slaughtered the Sheep.
I could've said something, anything.
But I sat in silence. We all did.
And now the Singing Ambassadors feel the pain of losing Patrick.


For my assistant, Patrick's wife, Kit, it was a distressing dilemma.
Whom shall she support?
Leave and stand by her spouse?
or Stay and stand by her Lord?
for now, the precarious situation is not helped by some fringe members taking sides.


Oh how burdensome being Richard is to me.
Were it the pearl of the world i would've hurled it remorselessly into the depths of the sea.
I am pressured from all sides:
1) Peter and his often grandiose or outdated ideas
2) My dad and his questionably ethical or self-serving ideas
3) Michelle/Caryn/Sam's ideas that may be superb in other situations but is regretfully unfeasible in this one


O Lord, if you would take the cup from me, but Your will be done, and not mine.


On the plus side, being Richard meant I had to crashcourse into the realm of contemporary fashion. I can say that my high school friends would not recognize this version of me. In fact, there were a few KLBCians who saw me every week and they couldn't recognize me on performance night
And the best thing about Prodigal brought a very special person into my life.
She made a difference in my life, and its a relationship that I hold close to my heart. Working with her has improved my acting, my daily life. I've become happy again and I want this to work. Lately I can sense her affection and I pray that I can become worthy of her. She may be unsure of our future, but I have confidence that in God's will, no one can separate us.


Another change about Prodigal is that the -megalomaniac- director, Peter Lim suggested we change our dialogue and incorporate Mandarin/other languages to Malaysianize it. Bad call. A play  made in America should stay American.
If we attempt to Malaysianize it, it would be like..... trying to chuck a ladle of Asamm Laksa paste into an American hotdog. Yes, it would sound like its accommodating our audience and catering to their tastes, but the truth is that a perfectly good hotdog is ruined. It draws attention away from the plot and distracts the audience. Yes to full subtitles, but for the sake of our ministry, Please, Peter if you are reading this, Please Please Please do not make the actors switch between multiple languages as if somebody up there is playing around with the AudioSwitch button on his Astro remote control. Its really freaky at the very least.

My 2nd composition is complete

I am pleased to announce that the 2nd composition of mine is completed
It is yet to be named, so for now the name "Codename Tiger" will be used until a suitable title worthy of its music is found.
Briefly, its a trio of a violin, a flute and a rarely used clarinet in C.
As it was forged from raw emotions, do not expect it to be 100% true to the rules of music.
It is a simple piece, very lightly textured from the beginning, and getting more complex towards the end
Throughout the piece it doesn't modulate from the key of C major so even novice musicians can attempt it.
I welcome any help to make it into a piano solo, or even to develop it into an orchestral piece.
Those who would like to listen to it, do email me at jonlky@gmail.com.
I will continue with piece #3 codenamed "Azhnak"
Clueless? ask Jeremy.

The tomes i chose to cram my psyche with:

Today I read 2 books in the KLBC library:
The 5 love languages for singles
Fireproof your life

The 1st book is enlightening to say the least. Everybody has a primary love language that speaks the most to them and their way of expressing love to others. The 5 are: Gifts, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, and Acts of Service. My top 2 perceived love languages are Physical Touch and Quality Time. I feel especially loved when I'm in contact physically with others, like a hug or a friendly tap, and when others take time to hang with me. My top 2 expressed love languages are Quality Time and Words of Affirmation. I show my love the most by spending time with those i love and verbalizing my love and care for them.

The 2nd book is interesting as a tie-in with the movie Fireproof, but by itself it lacks a punch. I was disappointed as I expected more from such a book. If the writer would do well to minimize his anecdotes and get to the point. 1st rule of journalism and writing: KISS- Keep It Short & Simple.

Aside from Prodigal's progress...

Taking a reprieve from the post event reporting, we will now focus our attention on something my brother said that struck me as funny.
He narrates,
"Once there was the ancient king of the raccoons named Achtung and he was near death. And he climbed up on Jonathan shoulders, desiring to reach the most holy spot on the top of Jon's head. And lo he was tired and near death, but he persevered on and managed to pull his @$$ on the top of Jon's head. And lo he was satisfied and breathed his last."
All that jazz just to insinuate that my hilighted hair resembles a dead raccoon.
So much imagination. sigh...
I love my brother.

Nothing less than stellar

The Singing Ambassadors promised much

23rd July came and went.

Post mortem meeting concluded unanimously that...

Prodigal delivered no less than a stellar performance.

Kudos to all the Singing Ambassadors on the hard work channeled into 1 year's worth of grueling practice.

Now we can rest...until Prodigal: Termerloh on 13th August.

Day -3

3 days to go before Showtime
The tension is rising.
And we hold a collective breath.
What shall be the outcome of the event?
Who's going to make it?
We'll find out in 3 days' time.

Among no ordinary men

Today marks the end of the 2nd day of the World Baptist Association's Communications seminar.
1st speech :
Bro. Eron Henry brought up the topic of Hybrids or New Media-
-the combination of broadcast and publication.
It should be used for the purpose of mission, evangelism, fundraising, etc.
Also, he mentioned the pervasiveness of using the Internet medium.
It should be noted more people are exposed to Christianity through the media than in the church itself
Mass communication is also covered,
and the key is to properly assess how it can and is used.
Communication should be aimed at building the community of Christ, and wedded to the mission of the Church.
The 2 conflicting perspectives in the higher echelons of theological thought is the Mission adapting itself to the Church, against the idea of the Church adapting itself to Mission. Bro Eron asserts that the latter should be the case.
Such is the summary of the 1st key speech of the workshop.
Tune in to Equus Niger's blog for more summaries of the workshop.

Trepidation

Tomorrow the Singing Ambassadors will be presenting Holy One to the KLBC English Service. The difference? Distinguished guests from all over the globe specially present here in Malaysia for the Baptist World Alliance gathering.

Will the TSAs match the standards and deliver as much as we've promised all along?
Its a shame that they won't be including the choreo for this song. Perhaps Sam and Caryn aren't confident we can pull this off without making a farce of ourselves? Or is it that they wish us to conserve our strength for the greater hurdles ahead? Only time will tell the soundness of our plans. We may plan and strategize, but without the Lord's hand, we shall surely fail. But if God is for us, who can be against us?

The music of the night

I have brought you to the seat of sweet music's throne ...
to this kingdom where all must pay homage to music ...
music...

You have come here, for one purpose, and one alone ...
I first heard you sing,
I have needed you with me, to serve me, to sing, for my music ...
my music ...

Night-time sharpens, heightens each sensation ...
Darkness stirs and wakes imagination ...
Silently the senses abandon thier defences ...

Slowly, gently night unfurls its splendour ...
Grasp it, sense it - tremulous and tender ...
Turn your face away from the garish light of day,
turn your thoughts away from cold, unfeeling light -
and listen to the music of the night ...

Close your eyes and surrender to your darkest dreams!
Purge your thoughts of the life you knew before!
Close your eyes, let your spirit start to soar!
And you'll live as you've never lived before ...

Softly, deftly, music shall surround you ...
Feel it, hear it, closing in around you ...
Open up your mind, let your fantasies unwind,
in this darkness which you know you cannot fight -
the darkness of the music of the night.

Let your mind start a journey through a strange, new world!
Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before!
Let your soul
Take you where you long to be!
Only then can you belong to me ...

Floating, falling, sweet intoxication!
Touch me, trust me, savour each sensation!
Let the dream begin,
let your darker side give in to the power of
the music that I write - the power of the music of the night ...

You alone can make my song take flight -
help me make the music of the night ...

>>courtesy of Andrew Lloyd Webber<<

The last piece

The jacket's been purchased. All that remains is the hairstyle.

Ideas are still flying: wigs, convertible styles, caps, and the last and most incredulous one- a beret.

For the life of me, i cannot fathom dear ol' Richie with a beret perched on the top of his very evil head. Its so wicked that it should be a crime worthy of death to even think if setting that abomination upon his pate.

Till then, the hair grows on and on and on.

Plan B

The TSAs have a sure air of infallibility

or do they?

I used to think that Plan A was all we ever need.

After all, most of us are veterans, most of us could do a musical without batting an eyelid.

But yesterday proved me wrong.

We're all erring humans. We make mistakes. We mess up.

Someone who has my highest respect said, "Shit Happens"

Shit Happened.

Lines got screwed up, order of lines messed up.

and it was in front of some of the most influential ppl that's funding us.

Time for Plan B: Improvisation.

Genesis

Today sees the commence of the 2nd musical composition.

This time it'll be a vocal duet, with potential for piano or guitar solo accompaniment.

This time, it'll be a sweet, harmonious melody.

As it'll be vocals, Sibelius will not be of much use this time.

I plan to complete it and teach the 2nd vocal part to Jeremy.

Then we will record.

Almost there

Richard is finally taking shape.

Chilli red high-cut converse? Check

Dark blue skinny jeans? Check

Plain white tees? Check

Belt? Check

Fake earring? Check

The only remaining pieces to the whole:

Wet-look jacket (found it)

K-pop hairstyle (Lord save the hairdresser)

Lots and lots of eyeliner & makeup (which can be settled on the day itself, thanks to Joshua, Michelle & Sarah)

But the one irritating thing is that I can only emulate, copy, but not feel. I can mimic Richard, but I do not know him, his motives, his mind. What goes on in there, no one knows for sure.

30th May 2011

Blogging has to start somewhere.

Might as well be here, now.

Yeah.

Writer's block.

noooooooooo

OK maybe a little. It'll all go away

Away away, that thingumajig will sail away

or maybe its here to stay

sigh

Word of the day... indecision.

Fear. yes. that four letter word that begins with the letter f.

oh yeah and feet too. and fool. and find.

gee, what do I fear?

I fear I'm losing myself. Everyday I become more and more a picture of Richard than Jonathan.

Do the celebrities of Hollywood also lose themselves for the sake of their career?

If so, then acting must be a most heinous undertaking. The murder of one's soul, debased into a parody of reality.

Or maybe I'm just being melodramatic.